A Beautiful Mess

I walk by the art table in my living room and stare at it in frustration.  It’s a mess.  Again.  I criticize myself, then get angry at my daughters, and finally wallow in overwhelm and exasperation.  The emotions swirling inside me land in either self-criticism or blame.  I look again and think, I should record this as a memory of homeschooling my girls due to and restricted by the COVID pandemic. A memory of the wonder, delight, mess, and stress.  I will miss it, I am certain.  

I will miss the messy art table, the time to spend with my daughters, the snuggling on the couch while we read Ranger Rick Magazines and dramatize Elephant & Piggy books, the time spent in my older daughter’s room reading books about dogs and foxes and getting so lost in the story that an hour slips by, taking walks with the dog in the morning listening to homeschooling podcasts and getting geared up to create a creative, nonjudgmental learning space in my home (sometimes successfully and sometimes not).  I will remember the longing to knit, dance, be alone, write, clean, be with friends, and have my own life while also relishing in my daughters, momlife, and the ease of home.  I will miss emptying the dishwasher with my girls, emptying it alone while listening to an inspiring book or podcast, dancing my way through making dinner while my girls watch a show, knitting to keep myself from doing anything or having to think.

Back to my art table:  I decide to record this memory by taking a picture of the art table with all the stories it tells.  It has paint bottles that my daughters freely grab for a project of their own design, a chart of ABC’s and numbers that my 1st grader uses for successfully writing letters and numbers without confusion, a paper covered in paint and glitter, a craft supplies container overflowing with yarn and ribbons, various art supplies, a headband, a bag for creating a Cherry Tree craft from the Library, and a painted canvas of my daughter’s rendition of Mal’s spellbook from the Descendants movie.

Mid-click I realize, this mess is artists at work.  This is life!  It’s messy.  It is always art in progress.  The paints and glitter everywhere say, “Artists live here.” We all need the creative, learning, nonjudgmental space of a metaphorical or actual art table for exploring and tinkering. The mess we create through exploration (which may feel like failures) tells the story of the journey to create art, to create a life.

I take the photo and all these thoughts race into my mind.  A few days later, we finally get to cleaning up that table.  And hours later, we make a beautiful mess again.

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